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Crazy?
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Sep. 5th, 2008 @ 05:02 am
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As 5 AM rolls around I realize again that the only thing this journal has been good for of late is:
1. Quizzes and other stupid internet memes.
2. Keeping me up all night so that I can re-read all kinds of things I, for my own sanity, should probably not re-read, ever.
What a personally fulfilling, enlightened, and profitable endeavor. I should either do something with this in the form of updating or delete it. I guess this is the first step, in either direction.Current Mood:  sad Current Music: The Fan |
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Your True Birth Month Is March
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Moody
Secretive
Revengeful
Trustworthy
Affectionate
Loves traveling
Loves attention
Shy and reserved
Musically talented
Loves home decor
Not easily angered
Sensitive to others
Loves special things
Attractive personality
Loves to serve others
Loves peace and serenity
Observant and assess others
Loves to dream and fantasize
Appreciative and returns kindness
Hasty decisions in choosing partners
Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic
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Yeah.... thats basically pretty much all true. |
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I Am A: Neutral Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength-12
Dexterity-13
Constitution-13
Intelligence-16
Wisdom-13
Charisma-15
Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.
Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.
Class:
Sorcerers are arcane spellcasters who manipulate magic energy with imagination and talent rather than studious discipline. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Sorcerers know fewer spells than wizards do and acquire them more slowly, but they can cast individual spells more often and have no need to prepare their incantations ahead of time. Also unlike wizards, sorcerers cannot specialize in a school of magic. Since sorcerers gain their powers without undergoing the years of rigorous study that wizards go through, they have more time to learn fighting skills and are proficient with simple weapons. Charisma is very important for sorcerers; the higher their value in this ability, the higher the spell level they can cast.
Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus</a></b> (e-mail)
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I win!
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Sep. 8th, 2007 @ 07:47 pm
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First of all kudos to anyone who gets the reference of the title. Don't stress your brain too hard if you don't know it though, it is not actually terribly amusing, just moderately so.
Ahhh... where to begin though. I have had a lot of live journal-esque thoughts kicking around in my head lately. My brain in gerneral has been on kind of overdrive lately in both a good and in a bad way. In a good way I have been getting alot of utilization out of the old grey matter, I have been on fire with getting things organized inside my head as far as logistical things are concerned. For example I have managed to keep the 14 million LJ posting ideas inside of my head instead of forgetting half of them before I even get to the computer. I also have been really getting my thoughts on the VPM thing rallied and ordered inside of there. More on the VPM thing later. However with my brain in overdrive that puts more time into thinking about things I shouldnt be thinking about. Not that there is usually any shortage of thinking about that stuff just now I think about it even more. Think think think think think think, that seems like all I can do most of the time. Think think think think........
Now back to the VPM thing. I have been really obsessed lately about getting a good planner so that I can keep track of the 14 million dates that I have to keep track of without constantly asking other people. It helps to know when things are when trying to play other things around said events. However I being very picky about the planner I would theoretically like to get. I thought that such a planner would be easy to find, you be the judge if I am being too picky.
- Has montly spread on two pages
- Has weekely spreads between those montly spreads
- The weekly spreads should just be lines, not detailed by time of day like an appointment book. That annoys the hell out of me
- On botht he weekly and monthly spreads the Saturday/Sunday should not be shoved into one spot. My weekends are way to busy for that with band and crap
So you would think that such a thing would be pretty standard and not that hard to find. Or at least that is what I though. I have looked everywhere that I can think of and short of spending like $100 to get a custom one put together I can't fucking find one. I did find one in wal-mart that was perfect EXCEPT it wasn't academic year it was only 2008. That doesn't do me a whole shit ton of good now does it? I thought about trying to find the company that made that planner on the internet but their god damn name was PlanAhead. Yeah good luck finding something so genreic, doubt they even do direct orders. Sorry for the rant, I just want a damn planner ;)
Speaking of dates, the Old Orchard Beach trip was a last weekend. Planning that was my first "hey lets just do it this way" and it seemed to work out pretty well. One person got screwed over and couldn't go but other ways there were more people that couldn't go. Now mind you not a ton of people showed up, 8 people if I remember correctly. (as a total aside I often use IIRC in text conversation and no one ever knows what I am talking about, I thought it was rather common) The day was going pretty well for the first couple of hours but then the storms rolled and and everyone kind of went their own ways :-/ However I did come up with a new word during the weekend and that would be "elatistated." A combination of elated and devistated, I am SOOOO clever /sarcasm. Devistaion is far to strong of a word, but you know elatsad doesn't really roll of the tounge now does it? So it is a pretty crappy word but at the time it made sense in my head. To explain, Laura was among those there and it was just emotionally strange. There was a good deal of the joking, playing and other stuff that was the foundation that love once stood apon. However to feel that sense of familiartiy, freindship, and love was confounded by that strained feeling that was pervasive in the air. Its like feeling so much of the emotion but knowing that the love associated with it was out of reach. It lead to a very happy or elated feeling mixed with an intense sadness for the continuting loss. ALthough I suppose it all could just be in my head again, life can be very difficult when you don't feel safe trusting your own perceptions. I worry signifigantly that I talk about her too much, I should probably stop I"m sure everyone is sick of it. It highly doubt that its being read in a manner that it would ever change anything.
To nearly completly change the subject I had the strangest dream earlier this week. It revolved around the fact that I had telekenisis, pretty powerful telekensis at that. There were tons of other poeple I knew in the dream too. The genergal gist of it was that I had telekenisis and I had to use it to save my freinds from some terrible fate. The strange thing was that the only other person who had the power was Laurence Fishburne. The other people I knew in the dream mostly just came and go as appropriate to the now hazy plot. Laura was there but she looked a little different and had dark hair, went by another name but I somehow knew it was her in my dream. Ended up pulling the explorer up out of the ocean with Laurence Fishburnes help and it turned into a giant bus that everyone got on to escape on. I used my power to get people onto the bus, and scoop water out of the ocean to put out a fire and pull small sea creatures up out of the water to give to her It was so friggen strange.
Lastly we went to go see the Bourne Ultamatum tonight. It wasn't too bad if I say so myself but I wasn't ga ga over it like I was Transformers earlier this summer. We went to Denny's afterwards and one of the watresses was bumming about something and I made here a little figurine scene out of a coffee news to cheer her up. She really appreciated it apparently and Aaron was telling me that she was making eyes at me and it just got me to thinking. If I was ready for something like that I still have no idea how to broach a subject like that with a near stranger. I feel so sociall inept sometimes, I make freinds easily enough but approaching that topic just seems beyond my ability in life. Not that I am ready to be doing that anyways, but then again, who knows about that if I can't even trust in my perceptions. Need to go home and get sleep now, sorry it was so long. Congrats to you if you read the whole thing, and thanks.Current Mood:  tired in many ways Current Music: Rockapella - Leaving On A Jet Plane |
| » Interesting things on my way |
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I was driving home very very early this morning and I was just coming off the highway onto Broadway and there is this little itty bitty Nissan truck that pulled out right in fron of me. My brain jumped around and my heart skipped a few beats before I realized it wasn't the swamp thing. It was pretty obvious I guess without the swamp things signature bumper sticker. However driving out across broadway it was just very reminicient of coming home with a certian somone late at night. Good times.
On the down note my tape deck in the Explorer seems to be on the fritz. I will probably have to convert all my tapes over to CD or some other form of digital storage so that they don't get all screwed up. It bums me out though that I couldn't listen to them when I was really thinking about it the most. Speaking of thinking driving gives me too much time to think. I think too much during the day anyways, I think I'm slowly turning into some form of recluse who's always just kinda stuck in my own head. Bah, time to sleep and get into my unconsious head instead of my consious one.
Jul. 19th, 2007 @ 05:25 am
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| » Tensed up |
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I would like to believe I know what I enjoy in life. The list isn't very long, I'm not a very complicate person. In no particular order....
1. I enjoy playing video games. I find them interestign and entertaining and a fun hobby. However of late WoW has been a stress but I don't feel like I can tone down that stree because it would just dump it onto some of my friends.
2. I enjoy love, being in love, and doing lovey things. Yah, nothing going on there. Hell, the only woman I see on a regular basis is my best friends "wife".
3. I like friends. While I have been getting out its doing the same thing over and over and I miss varied situations. Even there my circle of freinds has really shrunk over the last year and I have a harder time going to social event and enjoying myself, so I dunno.
4. I like sleep, too bad I'm too fricken wound by crap right now that I can't sleep.
5. I like travel, driving, beaches, movies and stuff like that. Too bad I'm too poor and alone to have a good time wih that stuff.
6. Music, marching band is still a while off.
Sigh......... WTB [reset]
Jul. 14th, 2007 @ 02:37 am
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| » Bugging Me |
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I really really should be asleep, but I can't shake this feeling that there is something I should do before I go to sleep. I cannot fathom why but I guess it might be trying to get down these LJ-ish things that have been rolling around in my head.
Sometimes I worry about what I post in my journal. I worry that I will meet someone new some day and they will read all this and think that I"m just plain old crazy. Maybe I am...
I was standing in the rain again last night. Ha, that sounds like the start to a song or something. But no, I was really standing out in a quiet rain last night talking. If there is a god up there I was talking to him, but if not I guess I was talking to myself. Somehow I felt like someone was listening even if it was just the rain. Reminded me alot of another time 3 or so years ago, maybe 4 now. Just because I said that I had to go back and find it, it was about 3 years ago.
Which got me thinking about old times. I miss bitch alot, I wish I could post in it from time to time. I also was looking through all my old LJ posts that were either locked or commented on and I noticed a few things. First was that Candace if by and far the person who comments on my livejouranal the most, which I think is pretty cool ;) Second is the evolution of Laura and I. The times she told me she loved me in the comments (as a freind) and times she has said more. The evolution is very interesting to look at.
And that brings us to the usual topic. I try to second guess myself sometimes, and I wonder if I think about Laura so much because I truly care for her and miss her, or just because I am so lonely? I believe it is definately the first. I think to myself that if I could do it over, just for another chance, even if come this day again I would be no more then I would, in a heartbeat. I'm not sure what that says about me.
Jul. 13th, 2007 @ 03:35 am
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| » Normality |
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I don't know where I am emotionally most days. It feels like overall I am returning to some semblance of normality but other days I seem kind of out there, even to myself. Things are going well overall. School things are all set for next year, loans are all in order, the bursar is happy with me, my finances are in order, and VPM work for the summer is shaping up all within reason. So yeah, not to bad overall I guess.
Wow is a little bit stressful right now. The joys of guild leadership, I won't go into it.
However I find myself feeling very lonely even when with my friends. I think this is penchant to my the habit of not getting Laura off my mind. Simple things in every day life remind me of her a billion times a day. Looking at the beautiful clear night sky out here at home reminds me of her. Driving to campus reminds me of here. A billion tiny things that I could never name them all remind me of her.
Still herethough.
Jul. 10th, 2007 @ 11:50 pm
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| » Curious |
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So I had and entry written and it has apparently gone the way of the do-do bird. Perhaps fot the better. It was pretty damn emo. To summarize it in fewer words....
I think I have just been in a slump lately. I'm just kinda bummed most of the time and my brain churns alot without gaining a whole lot of ground. I think I have managed to surmound some infactuation issues that I was dealing with but whether I actually got over them and left them behind or just tucked them away until they can be an akward pain in the butt again is yet to be determined. I am not particularly amazing at getting over things if you have never noticed. So.... where does that leave me now? Back where I Started really, back to realizing how amazingly wonderful she was, and how very gone she is. All the little things in my day still remind me. Still wish I could explain how I truly see her. Ok, so maybe I made it emo again, sorry.
On a side note this is a very curious song. Its on of those songs that my playlist kicks out that I didn't even remember having it.
( Yellowcard - Rough Draft )
Jun. 11th, 2007 @ 05:46 pm
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| » Where to now?! |
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Different faces in different places, but the same old story.........
Anyways, in other news... I finally got my hair cut. I"m here in dialup land so I can't upload any picture of it right now but I will do at some point. I finally found the right motivation to cut the monstrosity that was living on top o fmy head, symbolism and all be damned. It is nice to finally have shorted hair again but I still find myself reaching up to brush it out of my way.
Spend Saturday and some of Sunday down south a ways. Went to a Becky's cousins wedding with here and had a good time. No one there knew who the hell I as but I guess that sok, I got called Scotty once or twice which is a little less ok but what can you do? Made a fool of myself here and there to, but overall had alot of fun. Stayed and helped them do some work type stuff on Beckys computer and helped them move some stuff. The ususal work for a mule like myself. Seems like I managed into her families good graces, the families always seem to like me /shrug.
Last night when I got home around 3AM there was the first summer rain that I really got to enjoy. I walked around outside for 15-20 mintues just being relaxed by the rain. Melancholy weather for the melancholy sout I suppose. It was just barerly warm enought to be pleasent but it was still very nice.
I dunno if I'm going to keep this journal anymore. It seems I have so much to say but I never really dare to say it?
May. 28th, 2007 @ 07:47 am
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| » I'm a sucker for surveys |
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One word...one word only!
You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
ONE.
Word.
(Not as easy as you might think.)
1. Where is your cell phone? Pocket
2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/S.O.? None
3. Your hair? Long
4. Your mother? Interesting
5. Your father? Stable
6. Your favorite item? Earthwarden
7. Your dream last night? Misleading
8. Your favorite drink? Dew
9. Your dream car? Viper
10. The room you are in? Work
11. Your ex? Unforgettable
12. Your fear? Loneliness
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Happy
14. Who did you hang out with last night? Malchezaar
15. What you're not? Thinking
19. The last thing you did? Activated
20. What are you wearing? Casual
22. Your favorite book? Jordan's
23. The last thing you ate? Steak
24. Your life? Jumbled
25. Your mood? Uneasy
26. Your friends? Trying
27. What are you thinking about right now? Hearts
28. Your car? Explorer
29. What are you doing at the moment? "Working"
30. Your summer? Comming
31. Your relationship status? Alone
32. What is on your tv? Wii
33. When is the last time you laughed? Dunno
34. Last time you cried? Recent
35. School? Too much
Copy.
Paste.
Answer.
Questions.
In.
ONE.
Word.
Apr. 6th, 2007 @ 04:19 pm
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| » Something in the she moves |
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I never thought I could appreciate a song so much and yet have it break my heart so much at the same time. It had so much signifigance, that is all gone now.
Can't stop waiting.
Feb. 22nd, 2007 @ 06:05 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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I am so apathetic right now.
Feels like I don't have anything in this world that I want to do, other then see you.
Feb. 14th, 2007 @ 01:13 am
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| » He is kinda bad ass |
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Your results:
You are Dr. Doom
| Dr. Doom |
| 65% |
| Apocalypse |
| 63% |
| Venom |
| 63% |
| Magneto |
| 58% |
| Dark Phoenix |
| 57% |
| Juggernaut |
| 55% |
| The Joker |
| 54% |
| Lex Luthor |
| 52% |
| Mr. Freeze |
| 47% |
| Kingpin |
| 47% |
| Two-Face |
| 43% |
| Green Goblin |
| 39% |
| Riddler |
| 30% |
| Catwoman |
| 28% |
| Mystique |
| 23% |
| Poison Ivy |
| 21% |
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Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity.
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Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz
Jan. 14th, 2007 @ 11:45 pm
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| » That time of year |
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I think this is the first time I have ever wished that it wasn't Christmas time. It seems so wrong.
Dec. 22nd, 2006 @ 03:14 pm
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| » Thinking about you |
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Another song reflective of my life. Here I am... just ( thinking about you )
Doesnt make me ball my eyes out like James Blunt does, but a nice song.
Dec. 20th, 2006 @ 05:36 am
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| » I don't really think this is right.... |
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Almost Perfect- INFP
40% Extraversion, 53% Intuition, 46% Thinking, 33% Judging
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So, you want to make the world a better place? Too bad it's never gonna happen.
Of all the types, you have to be one of the hardest to find fault in. You have a selfless and caring nature. You're a good listener and someone who wants to avoid conflict. You genuinely desire to do good.
Of course, these all add up to an incredibly overpowered conscience which makes you feel guilty and responsible when anything goes wrong. Of course, it MUST be your fault EVERYTIME.
Though you're constantly on a mission to find the truth, you have no use for hard facts and logic, which is a source of great confusion for those of us with brains. Despite this, in a losing argument, you're not above spouting off inaccurate fact after fact in an effort to protect your precious values.
You're most probably a perfectionist, which in this case, is a bad thing. Any group work is destined to fail because of your incredibly high standards.
Disregard what I said before. You're just easy to find fault in as everyone else!
Luckily, you're generally very hard on yourself, meaning I don't need to waste my precious time insulting you. Instead, just find all your own faults and insult yourself.
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If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this.
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The other personality types are as follows...
Loner - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Pushover - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Criminal - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
Borefest - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Freak - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Loser - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
Crackpot - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
Clown - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Sap - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Commander - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
Do Gooder - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Scumbag - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
Busybody - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Prick - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
Dictator - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 99% on Extraversion | | You scored higher than 99% on Intuition | | You scored higher than 99% on Thinking | | You scored higher than 99% on Judging |
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Any comments?
Dec. 11th, 2006 @ 09:47 am
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| » I will wait |
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I feel really ill at this moment, like a bunch of shit is just catch up with me and crashing down on me. Just trying to get some thoughts out of my head. I just feel intensely sad. I don't know how to do this anymore. I think I will make this short until maybe I feel more awake and coherent but I have been hearing this song alot lately and it always makes me cry. While it isn't really the same it always feels applicable for me because I will do it.
( Joe Nichols - I'll Wait for You Lyrics )
With all my heart. . .
Dec. 10th, 2006 @ 10:29 pm
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| » Right... |
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Your results:
You are Derrial Book (Shepherd)
| Derrial Book (Shepherd) |
| 65% |
| Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) |
| 60% |
| Wash (Ship Pilot) |
| 60% |
| Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) |
| 55% |
| Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) |
| 55% |
| Alliance |
| 55% |
| Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) |
| 55% |
| Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) |
| 50% |
| A Reaver (Cannibal) |
| 40% |
| Inara Serra (Companion) |
| 35% |
| River (Stowaway) |
| 35% |
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Even though you are holy
you have a mysterious past.
You aren't married.
Have you taken a vow of celibacy?
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Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test
Dec. 6th, 2006 @ 04:06 am
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